My fantasies are increasingly intense and common. I'm fairly certain that no matter how successful I am in this life I'll never be truly happy unless I'm as I imagine myself. No limbs at all, completely blind...I've imagined every scenario and concluded I don't really care so much where I am after that as long as I'm safe. Ideally I'd be with a female dev attracted to guys like that, but I'm not picky. I don't think I'd even mind a hospital setting where I was left alone all the time, as long as it wasn't the kind you read about that neglects residents. I just need to achieve that perfect state and everything else doesn't matter. But the sooner the better...fantasy is a piss poor substitute.